Audio Version (09:29)
Do you ever find yourself worrying about things that haven’t actually happened yet? Maybe you’re convinced your job is at risk because your manager has been acting differently.
Perhaps you’ve delayed booking a holiday because the economy feels uncertain. Or maybe your business has had one quiet month, and your mind has already jumped to the worst-case scenario.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
The surprising truth is that most of us aren’t reacting to reality – we’re reacting to uncertainty, and once you understand why your brain hates not knowing what’s going to happen next, you’ll never look at worry in quite the same way again.
To watch the extended YouTube version, where I also discuss Have We Become Addicted to Certainty and Why Some People Find It Harder Than Others, click here.
Introduction
Most of us believe we’re worried because something bad is happening. Often, we’re actually worried because we don’t know what’s going to happen. That might sound like a small distinction, but psychologically it’s a huge one.
Uncertainty can be particularly uncomfortable because it leaves our brains searching for answers that don’t yet exist. A passing comment from your manager can suddenly feel like your job is at risk, while worrying headlines about the economy can make you question decisions you wouldn’t normally think twice about.
In many cases, nothing has actually happened, yet the emotional response feels completely real. Once you recognise what your brain – your Threat Detection System – is doing, it becomes much easier to stop treating uncertainty as though it’s a genuine emergency.
The Brain Is Built to Predict
Our brain’s primary job is to keep us alive, and for thousands of years that meant becoming incredibly good at predicting what might happen next. If our ancestors couldn’t anticipate danger, they were far less likely to survive it.
That survival mechanism is still running today, even though most of us are no longer worrying about predators hiding behind bushes. Instead, our brain’s threat detection system looks for emotional, financial and social threats.
The problem is that the brain dislikes missing information. When it doesn’t know what’s going to happen, it doesn’t simply wait patiently for the answer. It starts filling in the gaps itself.
That’s why someone taking longer than usual to reply to a message suddenly feels like rejection. It’s why your manager asking for “a quick chat tomorrow” can leave you convinced you’ve done something wrong. The brain would rather invent an explanation than sit comfortably with not knowing.
Unfortunately, it often invents the worst one.
We Confuse Possibility with Probability
One of the biggest thinking traps is assuming that because something could happen, it probably will.
Could your company make redundancies? Of course.
Could your business lose an important client? Yes.
Could the economy become more difficult? Absolutely.
Could your partner or your kids do something you’d rather they hadn’t? Heck, yes!
But possible doesn’t mean probable.
When we’re anxious, our brains stop distinguishing between those two things. Every possibility suddenly feels much more likely than it really is, so we begin emotionally preparing for events that may never happen.
Before long, we’re reacting to imagined futures rather than present reality. That’s because we’re not reacting to reality. We’re reacting to uncertainty.
Why We Crave Certainty
Most people think they want happiness, success or freedom. Psychologically, what many of us crave first is certainty.
Our brains find predictability incredibly comforting. That’s one reason people stay in jobs they no longer enjoy, remain in unhealthy relationships or avoid applying for promotions they desperately want.
The known often feels safer than the unknown, even when the known isn’t making us happy.
I’ve coached many people who knew exactly what they wanted to do but couldn’t bring themselves to take the next step, not because they weren’t capable but because they couldn’t guarantee the outcome.
The irony is that life has never offered guarantees.
The World Has Always Been Uncertain
It’s easy to believe we’re living in uniquely uncertain times. We’re constantly hearing about inflation, AI, political instability, wars and predictions about what might happen next.
But uncertainty isn’t new. Over the past twenty years alone we’ve experienced the financial crisis, Brexit, Covid, rising interest rates and inflation. Previous generations faced different uncertainties of their own.
The details change. Uncertainty doesn’t.
What’s changed is our constant exposure to it. Every time we pick up our phones, we’re confronted with worrying events from around the world, which our brains can interpret as immediate threats to our own lives.
The Illusion of Control
When uncertainty increases, most people instinctively look for ways to regain control. Sometimes that’s genuinely helpful. Updating your CV, reviewing your finances, building new skills or creating an emergency fund are all practical responses that leave you better prepared for whatever happens.
But many of us also develop habits that simply create the illusion of control. We repeatedly check the news. We analyse every conversation. We ask other people for reassurance. We replay the same “what if?” scenarios over and over again.
None of those behaviours removes uncertainty. Instead, they teach the brain that uncertainty is dangerous and must be solved immediately. Ironically, that makes us even less comfortable with uncertainty the next time it appears.
Real Confidence Isn’t Predicting the Future
One thing I’ve noticed when coaching people is that those who cope best with uncertainty aren’t necessarily the most optimistic people.
They’re the people who trust themselves to deal with whatever eventually happens. That’s a very different kind of confidence. It’s confidence in yourself, not confidence that life will always go according to plan.
When you look back over your own life, you’ve almost certainly dealt with challenges you never imagined you’d overcome. Somehow you adapted, found solutions and kept moving forward.
Yet when the next uncertainty appears, your brain conveniently forgets all that evidence. Instead, it tells you this time will be different.
Focus on What You Can Influence
One of the simplest ways to calm uncertainty isn’t by predicting the future. It’s by returning your attention to the things you can influence today.
You probably can’t control inflation, government policy or organisational restructuring. You can’t control whether a client decides to leave or whether markets fluctuate over the next year.
But you can continue developing your skills. You can strengthen your relationships, manage your finances sensibly, look after your health and prepare yourself for opportunities that may come your way.
Those actions don’t remove uncertainty. They simply make you more capable of handling whatever eventually happens.
The Wrap-up
Uncertainty isn’t a problem to solve. It’s a normal part of life. Yet we often create enormous stress trying to predict and control things that might happen, treating uncertainty as though it’s danger.
The next time you find yourself spiralling into “what if?” thinking, ask:
“Has something actually happened, or do I simply not know what happens next?”
Then remind yourself: “What if I cope, just as I always have?”
Perhaps real confidence isn’t about knowing what the future holds. It’s about trusting yourself to deal with it when it arrives.
What Next?
Again, to watch the extended YouTube version, where I also discuss… Have We Become Addicted to Certainty and Why Some People Find It Harder Than Others, click here.
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