Audio Version (09:20)
When we hear the term workplace abuse, most people think of obvious things like shouting, bullying, or overt discrimination.
But here’s the thing: Abuse in the workplace is often much more subtle, and because of that, it’s easy to miss. Especially if you’re a high performer, a people pleaser, or someone who’s grown up in environments where dysfunction was normalised.
As an executive coach who’s worked with thousands of professionals over the years, I can confidently say that many people don’t realise they’re in a toxic or abusive workplace until they’re completely burned out or on the verge of quitting or worse, needing long-term time off due to stress-related illness.
In this article, I’m shining a light on seven often-overlooked signs of workplace abuse, so you can start recognising them earlier.
In the extended YouTube version of this article, I discuss two further signs as well as what to do if you recognise abuse in your workplace. You can watch it here.
To clarify, this is about patterns, not isolated events. Anyone can have an occasional bad day or miscommunication. But if these things are happening regularly, they’re red flags worth paying attention to.
Also, it’s essential to recognise that abuse doesn’t just come from our direct line manager; it can also come from the top of the organisation, as well as from colleagues we work alongside and even subordinates. In fact, I’ve worked on four cases of subordinate bullying in just the last year alone.
Five Signs of Workplace Abuse
1. You Constantly Second-Guess Yourself
Let’s start with one that shows up in your own mind. If you’ve noticed yourself saying things like:
“Maybe it’s just me.”
“I’m probably overreacting.”
“I should be able to handle this.”
…you might be in an abusive work environment.
Abuse often involves gaslighting, a psychological tactic that makes you doubt your own perceptions, memory, or sanity. It doesn’t have to be deliberate or malicious either. It could be a manager who denies saying something they clearly said, dismisses your concerns, or repeatedly tells you “You’re too sensitive” when you raise an issue.
Over time, you lose trust in yourself and your ability to judge what’s okay and what’s not. This is especially common in HSPs (Highly Sensitive People or Empaths – I’ve talked about this in another video, too – you can watch it here) or those with a history of growing up in controlling environments.
2. You’re Treated Like a Problem for Having Needs
If you ask for time off, flag burnout, or raise a well-being concern, do you receive support, or are you met with eye rolls, passive aggression, or subtle punishments?
In abusive workplaces, simply having needs, like time, space, support, or work-life balance, can be treated as an inconvenience. You might be made to feel guilty for taking a sick day. Or you’re subtly excluded from projects or opportunities after asking for flexibility.
This is workplace abuse because it punishes you for being human.
Everyone has limits. Everyone needs rest and reasonable accommodations sometimes. A healthy workplace supports that. An abusive one will punish it, often quietly and without saying a word.
That said, a company still has to operate as a business, and therefore, sometimes requests will be turned down. However, where there’s a valid reason, it should be explained to you.
3. You’re Walking on Eggshells
This one’s big.
Do you find yourself constantly scanning for mood shifts in your manager, colleagues or subordinates? Are you overthinking every email, worried you’ve said the wrong thing, or nervously waiting for a reaction?
They are signs your nervous system doesn’t feel safe. When that’s happening in your job, it’s a huge red flag.
Healthy workplaces create psychological safety. That means people can make mistakes, give feedback, speak up, and be themselves without fear of backlash. If you’re always in flight-or-freeze mode at work, that’s a major sign something’s not right.
4. You’re Expected to Be ‘Always On’
It’s one thing to be busy. It’s another thing to feel like you can’t ever switch off and you always have to be available – even on weekends, holidays, and vacations.
I recall a previous director of mine (my bully) being very angry when I finally established a boundary and stated that after approximately nine months of working 70+ hour weeks with barely a day off (even weekends), I wouldn’t be checking my emails while on a beach in the Caribbean. He was furious.
I was also expected to be available literally 24/7 without exception, and the entire culture of the organisation (even though office workers worked Monday to Friday) required being in full work mode on a Sunday evening. I still get the ‘Sunday Scaries’ as a result of this toxicity, 16 years later! I also published a video on that topic – you can watch it here.
Toxic workplaces often reward over-functioning and treat it as the standard. You might be praised for skipping lunch, replying to emails late at night, or being the one who always stays late.
But this “hustle culture” quickly turns abusive when there’s no recognition, no additional support, and no respect for boundaries.
Again, I recognise that from time to time, due to projects or under particular business needs, additional hours may be required. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I mean, when day-to-day expectations far exceed what could be classed as acceptable.
If you’re made to feel guilty for not checking in on your day off, or expected to work through illness or family crises, it’s not just poor management, it’s exploitative.
You’re a person, not a machine. Any workplace that doesn’t get that is not a healthy one.
5. Blame Is The Default Setting
In abusive environments, when something goes wrong, the focus isn’t on fixing the issue; it’s on finding someone to blame.
These workplaces often lack psychological safety. People are terrified of making mistakes, innovation is stifled, and teams become rife with politics and finger-pointing.
If you’ve noticed:
Leaders regularly throwing people under the bus
Colleagues avoiding responsibility out of fear
A lack of transparency and accountability
…you’re likely in a blame culture. This might not seem like abuse at first glance, but over time, it becomes a traumatising environment where people feel unsafe, unsupported, and emotionally exhausted.
The Wrap Up
Workplace abuse isn’t always dramatic or obvious. Sometimes it appears like a quiet erosion of your self-worth, confidence, and joy. The slow drip of invalidation, pressure, and neglect is just as harmful as shouting or bullying and often harder to spot.
If anything in this post has resonated, take it as a gentle nudge to examine your situation more closely. You deserve to feel safe, valued, and respected in the workplace.
If you’re ready to take your next steps, whether that’s setting boundaries, rebuilding confidence, or getting out of a toxic environment, I’ve got loads of free resources on my website and over 80 videos on my YouTube channel to help.
You’re not stuck. You’re not broken… and it’s never too late to choose something better. In fact, if writing a CV or going for an interview fills you with dread, I have an online programme that can help you with all of that. You can learn more here.
What Next?
In the extended YouTube version of this article, I discuss two further signs as well as what to do if you recognise abuse in your workplace. You can watch it here.
If you do go over to YouTube, please be sure to Like, Comment and Subscribe. It’s completely free (as is a YouTube membership if you don’t have one – you also do not need a Google account, you can use your regular email address to sign up) and takes seconds. It really does make a massive difference in helping me get this free content in front of more people.
If there are any subjects you’d like me to cover in upcoming content or if you’d like coaching support with anything I discuss in my videos or articles, please email me at info@jobanks.net.
However, recently, I’ve received many emails and DMs from people asking for my views on their personal/professional situations. Unfortunately, for a number of reasons, I can’t provide individual advice unless you are a client.
As always, thanks for your continued support.
