Audio Version (09:48)
If you often feel like you’re constantly in trouble, whether it’s at work, in relationships, or in your personal life, it can be incredibly frustrating and exhausting.
You may feel like no matter what you do, it’s never enough, or that you’re always walking on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
While this experience can be distressing, it’s important to understand that there are deep-rooted causes, many of which are linked to our early upbringing, trauma, and even neurodiversity.
Once you understand why you feel this way, you can begin to heal and develop practical strategies to navigate life with greater confidence and ease.
In today’s article, I’m discussing why we often feel we’re in trouble, and I’ll provide three strategies for overcoming it.
In the extended YouTube version, I also discuss our reaction to the classic “We Need to Talk” text or email, together with two additional strategies for overcoming this particular fear. You can watch it here.
The Roots of Feeling “Always in Trouble”
1. Adverse Childhood Conditioning
One of the most significant factors contributing to the feeling of always being in trouble is the conditioning we receive in childhood.
If you were raised in an environment where you were constantly criticised, controlled, or made to feel inadequate, you may have developed an inner sense of always being wrong or not good enough.
Being raised in an environment where there is little room for autonomy or where you’re constantly walking on eggshells can create an internalised belief that you’re always in trouble or on the verge of being punished.
The messages you receive as a child, whether direct or indirect, become deeply ingrained and shape how you perceive yourself as an adult.
These early messages might have led you to believe that your thoughts, actions, or desires were not acceptable, or worse, were inherently wrong. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and a heightened sense of self-doubt, making it feel like you’re constantly in trouble no matter what you do.
2. Trauma and Its Impact
Trauma, especially in childhood, can significantly affect your emotional and psychological state. Adverse experiences, such as neglect, emotional or physical abuse, or constant fear of rejection or punishment, create a lasting imprint on the brain and nervous system.
These experiences teach us that we are unsafe or unworthy, contributing to an overwhelming sense of being in trouble.
When trauma is present, our brains can become hypervigilant, always on the lookout for potential threats.
If you’ve experienced trauma, even on a subconscious level, you might feel like you’re always in trouble because your brain is primed to detect danger, rejection, abandonment or conflict at every turn. It’s as if you are constantly bracing for something bad to happen because that was your early reality.
3. Neurodiversity and How It Affects Perception
Neurodiversity is another crucial factor that can shape your perception of always being in trouble. People with ADHD, autism, or other neurodivergent conditions often experience the world differently.
For example, with ADHD (FYI, I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD), we often have difficulty regulating our impulses or focusing on tasks, which can lead to mistakes or miscommunications.
Similarly, people on the autism spectrum may struggle with social cues or interpreting emotions, which can lead to misunderstandings and feeling like they’re always in trouble.
We neurodivergent individuals can be more prone to a sense of failure, especially if our environment does not accommodate our unique needs.
4. The Need for Control and Perfectionism
Another possible contributor to feeling like you’re always in trouble is perfectionism.
If you were raised in an environment where there was a heavy emphasis on being perfect, doing things “right,” or adhering to strict rules, you may have internalised the belief that any mistake or imperfection results in trouble.
Perfectionism can be an attempt to control the uncontrollable, especially if your upbringing involved unpredictable reactions to your behaviour.
This constant drive for perfection can create an internalised sense of failure. Even when things are going well, you might feel like something is wrong, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
This feeling can be exacerbated if you were raised in an environment where there was little room for mistakes or where approval was conditional on perfect behaviour.
3 Strategies for Dealing with the Feeling of Always Being in Trouble
While the feeling of always being in trouble can feel overwhelming, it’s not a permanent state. By understanding its roots and implementing practical strategies, you can break free from these negative patterns and start living a more balanced, grounded life.
Here are three strategies to help you manage and overcome this feeling.
1. Challenge Your Inner Critic
One of the first steps in overcoming the feeling of always being in trouble is to challenge your inner critic. This critic, which may have been internalised from childhood, is often harsh and judgmental, making you feel like you’re always doing something wrong.
Take a moment to recognise when your inner critic is at work. It helps to journal your responses to these questions:
Are you feeling guilty for making a mistake?
Are you assuming that you’ve failed in some way, even if no one else is holding you accountable?
When you catch yourself in these negative thought patterns, pause and question them.
Are they based on reality, or are they echoes of old messages from your upbringing or trauma?
You can also practice self-compassion. Talk to yourself as you would to a close friend who is struggling. Would you tell them they’re always in trouble? Probably not.
By treating yourself with kindness and understanding, you can begin to quiet the inner critic and replace it with a more supportive and empowering voice.
2. Develop Emotional Awareness
Another important strategy is to develop emotional awareness. Often, when we feel like we’re always in trouble, it’s because our emotional reactions are out of alignment with the situation.
Our nervous system is still reacting as if we’re back in an unsafe or punishing environment, even if we’re no longer in that place.
Mindfulness techniques can help you become more aware of your emotional state and the triggers that cause you to feel like you’re in trouble.
When you feel anxiety or guilt rising, take a moment to check in with yourself. Again, journal your answers to these questions:
What am I feeling?
What triggered this emotion?
Am I overreacting to something that is not a real threat?
By practising emotional awareness, you can begin to respond to situations with more clarity and calmness, rather than reacting out of old habits.
3. Set Boundaries and Own Your Space
Feeling like you’re always in trouble can often come from a lack of boundaries or the tendency to people-please. If you grew up in an environment where you had to earn love or approval by being perfect, you may struggle with asserting your own needs or setting healthy boundaries.
It’s crucial to start setting boundaries in your life—whether it’s saying no to unreasonable demands at work, taking time for self-care, or speaking up when something doesn’t feel right.
Boundaries allow you to reclaim your sense of agency and autonomy, which can help reduce the feeling that you’re always in trouble.
The Wrap-Up
If you often feel like you’re always in trouble, it’s important to remember that this feeling has deep roots, often tied to early childhood conditioning, trauma, and neurodiversity.
By understanding the causes behind these feelings, you can begin to untangle the old beliefs and patterns that keep you stuck.
Implementing strategies such as challenging your inner critic, developing emotional awareness, and setting boundaries can help you break free from the cycle of always feeling in trouble.
Change takes time, but with awareness and effort, you can begin to feel more at peace with yourself and your place in the world.
What Next?
Again, in the extended YouTube version, I also discuss our reaction to the classic “We Need to Talk” text or email, together with two additional strategies for overcoming your fear. You can watch it here.
If there are any subjects you’d like me to cover in upcoming content or if you’d like coaching support with anything I discuss in my videos or articles, please email me at info@jobanks.net.
However, recently, I’ve received many emails and DMs from people asking for my views on their personal/professional situations. Unfortunately, for a number of reasons, I can’t provide individual advice unless you are a client.
As always, thanks for your continued support.
