Audio Version (09:32)
Workplace relationships can be challenging, and one of the most difficult behaviours to navigate is passive aggression.
Unlike overt hostility, passive-aggressive behaviour is subtle and indirect, often disguised as compliance or politeness. Left unchecked, it can undermine team morale, disrupt communication, and create a toxic work environment.
In today’s article, I’ll explain passive-aggressive behaviour, why people engage in it, and strategies (including comebacks) for dealing with it.
In the extended YouTube version of this article, I explain the signs of passive-aggressive behaviour in more detail and provide an additional four ways to deal with it. You can watch it here.
What Is Passive-Aggressive Behaviour?
Passive-aggressive behaviour involves expressing negative feelings indirectly instead of openly addressing them. It often involves subtle resistance, procrastination, sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or intentional inefficiency. The person may appear cooperative on the surface but act in ways that undermine the situation or another person.
Common Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behaviour
Sarcasm – Saying something jokingly but with an underlying negative message.
Silent treatment – Withholding communication to express displeasure.
Procrastination – Deliberately delaying tasks to inconvenience someone.
Backhanded compliments – Saying something that sounds nice but has an underlying insult (e.g., “You’re so brave to wear that outfit!”).
Subtle sabotage – Purposely doing a task incorrectly or “forgetting” something important.
Avoidance – Refusing to engage in direct conversations about an issue.
Victim mentality – Acting as if they are being treated unfairly when confronted.
Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behaviour in Work
Passive-aggressive behaviour can manifest in various ways. Here are some common signs:
Sarcasm and Backhanded Compliments
Procrastination and Deliberate Inefficiency
The Silent Treatment
Feigning Misunderstanding
Sabotaging Colleagues
Agreeing but Resisting in Action
Victim Mentality
Why Does Passive-Aggressive Behaviour Occur?
Several workplace dynamics can contribute to passive-aggressive behaviour:
Fear of confrontation: Some individuals struggle to voice their concerns openly.
Workplace power imbalances: Employees may feel powerless to challenge authority directly.
Unclear expectations: A lack of clear communication and feedback can lead to frustration and passive resistance.
Stress and burnout: Overworked employees may express their dissatisfaction in subtle ways.
Cultural or personality differences: Some individuals may have been socialised to avoid direct conflict.
How to Deal with Passive-Aggressive Behaviour
Dealing with passive-aggressive behaviour requires a combination of awareness, clear communication, and assertiveness. Here’s how you can handle it effectively:
1. Recognise and Validate Your Feelings
Passive-aggressive behaviour can be frustrating and confusing. Recognising when you are dealing with it can help you stay grounded. Instead of reacting emotionally, take a step back and assess the situation objectively.
2. Address the Behaviour Directly
While passive-aggressive individuals may avoid direct confrontation, addressing the behaviour calmly and assertively can help mitigate its impact. When doing so:
Use “I” statements: “I noticed the report hasn’t been submitted yet. Is there something preventing you from completing it?”
Avoid accusations: Instead of saying, “You’re always late with your work,” try, “I’ve noticed a pattern of delayed reports. Can we discuss how to improve this?”
3. Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries
Clearly communicate expectations regarding deadlines, responsibilities, and workplace conduct. When people know what is expected of them, there is less room for ambiguity or manipulation.
Example: “We need the report by Friday at noon. If you encounter any challenges, please inform me by Wednesday so we can address them.”
4. Encourage Open Communication
Foster a culture where everyone can feel comfortable expressing their concerns directly. Managers can create an environment of psychological safety by:
Encouraging honest feedback
Modelling direct and respectful communication
Providing conflict resolution training
Direct Responses to Passive-Aggressive Behaviour
Here are ten possible comebacks for handling passive-aggressive behaviour in the workplace:
“I sense some frustration—let’s talk about it directly.”
“I’m not sure what you mean by that. Could you clarify?”
“If you have something on your mind, I’d appreciate hearing it openly.”
“I’m happy to help if there’s an issue, but I need a clear explanation.”
“It sounds like there’s some underlying concern here. Let’s address it.”
“I prefer when we communicate clearly so we can solve problems together.”
“I get that you’re upset, but I’d rather hear it directly than through sarcastic comments.”
“If there’s a problem, let’s discuss it calmly and figure out a solution.”
“I can’t address this if you’re not being straightforward with me.”
“I’m happy to work together to resolve any issues, but I need your feedback to be clear.”
These comebacks focus on encouraging open communication and confronting passive-aggressive behaviour professionally and constructively.
However, when being called out on their inappropriate, hurtful behaviour, passive-aggressive people often reply with phrases such as, “I’m only joking” or “You’re too sensitive. When that happens, it’s essential to stay calm and assertive.
Here are a few responses that can help address this type of invalidation by the passive-aggressive person:
“I understand you may have been joking, but that comment still hurt.” This response acknowledges their intent but emphasises how it affected you.
“I don’t think I’m being too sensitive, and I just don’t appreciate that kind of comment.” This helps you stand your ground without escalating the situation.
“If it’s a joke, it didn’t come across as funny to me.” This shows that humour can be subjective and helps express that their comment wasn’t well received.
“It’s not about being sensitive. It’s about respect. I’d prefer if you didn’t make comments like that.” This asserts your boundary in a direct, respectful way.
“I don’t find that kind of humour funny. Let’s keep things respectful.” This clarifies that the issue is with the tone or content of the comment, not with your sensitivity.
The key is to communicate how their words made you feel, maintain your boundaries, and avoid getting drawn into further passive-aggressive exchanges.
The Wrap-Up
If left unchecked, passive-aggressive behaviour can create a toxic work environment. By recognising the signs, addressing issues directly, and fostering open communication, you can help create a more constructive workplace.
Whether dealing with a passive-aggressive coworker, employee, or manager, setting clear expectations and maintaining professionalism will help you navigate these challenges effectively.
Taking proactive steps ensures that your workplace remains a space of collaboration, respect, and productivity.
However, if workplace conflict continues to be a recurring issue, seeking professional guidance through HR or a coach can be beneficial. I appreciate that, in many cases, HR can’t or is unwilling to help. If that’s the case, I have lots of guidance in other videos on my YouTube channel on handling these situations. Links will be in the description box of the video version of this article. Click here for more information.
What Next?
Again, in the extended YouTube version of this article, I explain the signs of passive-aggressive behaviour in more detail and provide four additional ways to deal with it. You can watch it here.
If there are any subjects you’d like me to cover in upcoming content or if you’d like coaching support with anything I discuss in my videos or articles, please email me at info@jobanks.net.
However, recently, I’ve received many emails and DMs from people asking for my views on their personal/professional situations. Unfortunately, for a number of reasons, I can’t provide individual advice unless you are a client.
As always, thanks for your continued support.
