Audio Version (08:31)
Do you feel like drama and chaos follow you around while others have seemingly calm and relatively drama-free lives?
In my previous article (which you can read here), I discussed the psychological, biochemical, and developmental factors for why some of us seemingly attract a never-ending stream of chaotic relationships, workplace conflicts, or personal crises. The drama can become addictive, keeping us in repetitive cycles of turmoil and unpredictability.
In that article, I promised to share some of my top tips for living a calmer, less chaotic life, which is what today’s content is about.
The tools I’m sharing with you are not woo-woo nonsense. They are science-backed techniques that are simple and easy to use. The hardest thing about anything I will share with you is remembering to do it.
Before we start, I must point out that our brains like routine and will always take the easy route, even if that easy route ends in pain.
So, it will take some practice and patience to begin re-wiring your brain and body into a new way of thinking and behaving. As Tony Robbins would say, ‘Repetition is the mother of skill’.
To watch the extended version of this article, where I explain six tools, including the three I’ve included in this article, click here.
Three Tools to Bring Calm to Chaos
1. Self-Reflection/Self-Awareness
We can’t change what we aren’t aware of! I say it so frequently, but it’s true.
Just knowing that if you were raised in a chaotic and drama-filled household and that chaos is likely to continue into adulthood and understanding that your biochemicals play a big part in keeping you locked in a never-ending cycle can be hugely empowering.
Think about all the chaos you’ve attracted into your life. Friends, partners, jobs – it’s not a coincidence.
So, an excellent way to begin changing things is by introspecting and recognising the patterns of drama in your life. Identify triggers, situations, or relationships that consistently lead to chaos and turmoil.
A great way to do this is through journaling. Getting your thoughts out and onto paper is a clinically proven way of processing unprocessed emotions. You don’t even have to keep it, but you can delete it, burn it, shred it after you’re done. But writing about what triggered you and where that might have stemmed from can be hugely eye-opening.
2. Developing Emotional Regulation/Managing Stress
Focus on developing emotional regulation and coping mechanisms to handle stress and conflict constructively. This might involve therapy, mindfulness practices, or self-help techniques to enhance emotional intelligence.
Meditation, guided meditation, and self-hypnosis are all tools that I use daily. I also make sure that I exercise every day … yes, EVERY day, even if it’s just a 15-minute walk outside. I journal frequently.
I also use tapping EFT regularly on myself and with my clients. It’s hugely beneficial in helping manage your emotions and calm an overactive nervous system.
I’m not going to go into tapping in this article. Suffice it to say that it’s been clinically proven to reduce cortisol levels and is highly effective in helping manage stress, anxiety and overwhelm. If you want more information,
I highly recommend Brad Yates and Julie Schiffman on YouTube. They both have thousands of tapping videos between them on topics such as reducing stress, imposter syndrome, procrastination, and managing IBS, to name but a few. I’m a HUGE fan of tapping.
3. Rewiring Thought Patterns
Managing ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) and getting to the root of your beliefs that are causing the chaos to reappear is more challenging than I have time for here.
However, taking the time to analyse and challenge your thoughts around your behaviours can be helpful.
Dr Daniel Amen, a well-known psychologist, recommends a process designed initially by self-help author and presenter Brene Brown. It’s based on CBT and can be helpful in examining your repetitive, habitual thought patterns.
The Exercise
Whenever you find yourself in a chaotic situation or having automatic negative thoughts, ask yourself these questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Is it absolutely true?
3. How do I feel when I have the thought?
4. Who would I be/how would I feel if I didn’t have the thought?
5. What’s the opposite of the original thought?
Challenging the belief that chaos equals excitement or validation and reframing your perception of what constitutes a fulfilling life is incredibly important. I’ll definitely do more on this topic at some point.
The Wrap-up
The addiction to drama and chaos can be multifaceted, stemming from psychological, biochemical, and developmental factors.
By addressing underlying issues, developing healthy coping mechanisms, and fostering stability, you can get free from the grip of drama addiction and move toward a happier, healthier life.
Self-reflection, awareness, and a commitment to nurturing emotional well-being are critical. Unfortunately, there’s no quick fix. You have to do the work EVERY DAY, and you have to be vigilant!
Your subconscious is a tricky customer. If it’s not getting its daily drama fix, expect it to throw in errant negative thoughts at the most unexpected times! Or you may find that you react to something entirely disproportionately to what it warrants.
When the next drama arrives, and that’s a when not and if, STOP and instead of going down your usual programmed response, take a step back. Look at it through the lens of what you now know and ask yourself what you can do to minimise its impact.
What Next?
Upcoming topics over on my YouTube channel include ADHD Superpowers, ADHD and misdiagnosis/missed diagnosis in women, men’s mental health, toxic positivity, and why December is a great time to ready yourself for job hunting in the New Year.
I’m excited to have interviewed three engaging, knowledgeable and fascinating individuals on these topics. So, please remember to like, comment, subscribe, and if you hop over to YouTube, hit that notification bell so you don’t miss new videos when they’re out!
I’m also thrilled that this week, I hit the 600 subscriber mark with over 37,000 views of my videos! In just three months, I think that’s pretty epic. If you’ve already taken the time to subscribe, thank you from the bottom of my heart! It really does mean the world to me
Finally, I love getting your feedback. It helps me know what’s important to you. So, if you have anything you’d like to add on this topic, or if there’s something you’d like me to cover in an upcoming article or video, leave it in the comments section below, and I’ll add it to the list.
Thank you for your continued support.
