Audio Version (08:55)
If you’re someone who often feels like you experience the world a little more deeply than others, whether it’s through emotions, physical sensations, or even the energy in a room, then you might be an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), often referred to as an ‘Empath’.
As an HSP myself, I can tell you that it’s both a beautiful and a challenging trait to navigate. Being highly sensitive means that we pick up on things most people don’t, from someone’s mood to the tiniest details in our environment.
But this gift can sometimes feel like a double-edged sword, particularly when it leads to exhaustion, people-pleasing, or attracting less-than-healthy relationships.
In this article, I’ll walk you through what it really means to be an HSP, how we develop this sensitivity, and the ways it can impact our lives.
In the extended YouTube version, I’ll also discuss some of the challenges we face, particularly in the areas of people-pleasing and dealing with toxic individuals, and I share five strategies to protect yourself from being taken advantage of by others. You can watch it here.
What Exactly Is an HSP?
Being an HSP is more than just “feeling things deeply.” It’s a natural trait that affects about 15-20% of the population.
It means that our nervous systems process everything, emotions, sensory input, and social cues, more intensely than what others may experience.
It’s like our emotional radar is always on, which can be both a blessing and a curse. This heightened sensitivity means we’re typically more empathetic, aware of others’ needs, and sometimes even feel other people’s emotions as if they were our own.
While this helps us connect with people in deep ways (which is critical for my job as a coach), it can lead to feeling overwhelmed when exposed to too much input, like in noisy environments or emotionally charged situations.
Typical traits include:
Deep empathy and compassion
Creativity and artistic talents
Exceptional intuition and insight
Desire for ‘authentic’ connection
I discuss these traits in more detail in the extended YouTube version. You can watch it here.
How Do We Become HSPs?
There’s no one answer to what makes an HSP. It’s a combination of genetic, environmental, and early-life factors that can shape us into the sensitive souls we are today.
Here are a few of the factors that might contribute:
1. Childhood Conditioning
I know many HSPs, including myself, who grew up in environments where emotional expression wasn’t exactly encouraged. The old-school belief that “children should be seen and not heard” can teach us to suppress our own emotions in favour of maintaining peace and harmony.
In these environments, we become hyper-aware of others’ moods and reactions, often picking up on cues others may miss. Over time, this can turn into an overactive emotional radar, where we start to anticipate the needs and feelings of others without fully acknowledging our own.
2. Trauma and Emotional Wounding
Unfortunately, trauma can also play a significant role in shaping our sensitivity. When I look back on my life, I realise that most of my sensitivity was born out of the need to survive emotionally, particularly in difficult situations where I had to read between the lines to figure out what others, particularly my mother, needed.
I was continually walking on eggshells, so being able to read my mum’s moods kept me psychologically safe.
For many HSPs, trauma or emotional neglect early in life can teach us to tune into others’ emotional states in an effort to protect ourselves. It’s essential to recognise that this all occurs in the subconscious.
3. Narcissistic or Emotionally Neglectful Parenting
Growing up with narcissistic or emotionally distant parents can also create a situation where a child develops heightened sensitivity as a survival tactic.
I know that for many people (myself included), when you’re raised in a household where love is conditional or unpredictable, you learn to read the emotional climate of the room.
Over time, this leads to deep empathy, but it can also result in struggling to understand where you end and others begin.
4. Genetics – It Runs in the Family
While upbringing and trauma play a huge role, there’s also a genetic component. Some of us are just born with a nervous system that processes things more intensely.
It’s an innate trait that’s likely been honed over generations as a survival mechanism, allowing our ancestors to be highly aware of their environment and the people around them.
It’s a bit like being the “canary in the coal mine”—we’re attuned to danger and potential threats, which is why we often react strongly to stimuli.
The Impact of Being an HSP
Now that you have a sense of what being an HSP means, let’s talk about the challenges. Yes, being highly sensitive has its upsides, but it’s also something that can make life a bit more complicated.
1. People-Pleasing and Over-Accommodating
As an HSP, I often find myself wanting to help others, even at the expense of my own well-being. People-pleasing is a huge struggle for many of us because we can pick up on other people’s discomfort and feel the need to fix it.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said “yes” to something just to avoid conflict or to make sure someone else is happy, often leaving me drained in the process.
2. Attracting Toxic and Abusive People
I know I’m not the only HSP who has had the misfortune of attracting narcissistic or emotionally manipulative people.
Unfortunately, because we’re so attuned to the needs of others, we can end up in relationships where we give and give, without getting anything in return.
Toxic people can sense our empathy and use it to their advantage. I’ve been there more times than I care to mention, and it’s exhausting.
3. Feeling Overwhelmed in High-Stress Environments
In professional settings, being an HSP can be a challenge, too. I’ve found that too much noise, stress, or even conflict in a workspace can leave me feeling overstimulated and burnt out.
Whether it’s an overly competitive environment, a toxic boss, or just the general hustle and bustle, it’s easy to feel like you’re drowning in all the emotional noise.
I’m not alone in this. Many HSPs find it difficult to thrive in traditional work environments that prioritise productivity over emotional well-being.
4. Struggling to Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries can be a real challenge for Empaths. It’s easy to feel like you don’t have the right to say “no,” or that you should always put others first.
However, failing to set clear boundaries only leads to resentment and ultimately, burnout. It’s something that’s crucial for all HSPs to work on.
The Harm Caused by Toxic Leaders
The harm caused by toxic individuals in positions of power can be far-reaching, affecting not only the direct targets but also the wider organisation.
1. Mental and Emotional Harm
Employees who are targeted by toxic leaders or colleagues may experience increased stress, anxiety, and depression. Constant exposure to bullying or manipulation can take a severe toll on mental health, leading to burnout or long-term emotional distress.
2. Decreased Productivity
Toxic behaviour often leads to decreased productivity, both for the targeted individual and for the wider team. Employees who feel undermined, disrespected, or belittled are less likely to be engaged or motivated, and this disengagement can spread to other employees. Teams may become less collaborative, and the company’s overall output can suffer.
3. Increased Employee Turnover
Toxic behaviour creates a hostile work environment that can lead to high turnover rates. Employees who feel unsafe or unsupported are more likely to leave, either through resignation or as a result of being forced out. This turnover can be costly for organisations, as they must invest in recruiting, onboarding, and training new employees.
4. Reputational Damage
When toxic leaders or employees are allowed to flourish, the company’s reputation can take a significant hit. Word spreads quickly in today’s interconnected world (especially with websites like Glassdoor.com), and companies known for tolerating toxic behaviour may struggle to attract top talent or maintain their brand image.
The Wrap-Up
Being an HSP can feel overwhelming at times, but it’s also a gift that allows you to connect with the world on a deeper level.
By understanding and embracing your sensitivity, setting healthy boundaries, and practising self-care, you can protect yourself from burnout and thrive in both your personal and professional life.
I hope these insights help you navigate the challenges of being an HSP while also celebrating all the unique strengths that come with it, which I discuss in the YouTube version.
What Next?
Again, in the extended YouTube version, I’ll also discuss some of the challenges we face, particularly in the areas of people-pleasing and dealing with toxic individuals, and I share five strategies to protect yourself from being taken advantage of by others. You can watch it here.
If there are any subjects you’d like me to cover in upcoming content or if you’d like coaching support with anything I discuss in my videos or articles, please email me at info@jobanks.net.
However, recently, I’ve received many emails and DMs from people asking for my views on their personal/professional situations. Unfortunately, for a number of reasons, I can’t provide individual advice unless you are a client.
As always, thanks for your continued support.
