Audio Version (10:20)
Narcissism has become a buzzword in modern conversations, especially with the rise of social media and its tendency to reward self-promotion. However, true narcissism goes far beyond vanity or self-absorption.
It’s a deep-seated personality trait that can wreak havoc on relationships, workplaces, and communities. At its core, narcissism involves a distorted sense of self combined with a lack of empathy and a desperate need for validation.
To watch the extended YouTube version of this article, where I go into more detail, click here.
Introduction
Before we begin, we are not attempting to diagnose anyone here and not all of the traits I’m discussing are part of the diagnostic progress.
Nonetheless, they are the most common symptoms I’ve encountered both personally and through the clients I’ve coached.
The 10 Traits
1. Grandiosity
One of the hallmark traits of narcissism is grandiosity. This involves an exaggerated sense of self-importance and superiority over others.
Narcissists often believe they are unique or special and expect admiration from others without necessarily earning it. They see themselves as exceptional, and in some cases, they feel entitled to preferential treatment.
2. Lack of Empathy
Another defining trait of narcissism is a lack of empathy. Narcissists struggle to understand or care about the feelings, needs, or perspectives of others. This makes it difficult for them to engage in meaningful, two-way relationships, as they are primarily focused on their own desires and goals.
Narcissists can appear indifferent to the suffering or emotions of others and may even derive pleasure from someone else’s pain if it benefits their own agenda.
3. Lack of Responsibility
Narcissists are notorious for avoiding responsibility. They rarely, if ever, admit to being wrong or accept accountability for their actions. Instead, they deflect blame onto others, shifting the narrative to protect their fragile egos.
When things go wrong, it’s never the narcissist’s fault. They may also distort facts to maintain the illusion of control.
4. Need for Validation
While narcissists present an air of superiority, they are often deeply insecure, relying heavily on external validation to reinforce their inflated self-image. They crave admiration and approval from others, constantly seeking attention to reaffirm their sense of self-worth.
The problem is that no amount of validation ever feels like enough, leaving narcissists in a perpetual cycle of needing more. When they don’t receive the validation they crave, they may react with anger (what is often referred to as ‘narcissistic rage’) or withdrawal.
5. Manipulation
Narcissists are master manipulators who use people as tools to achieve their own ends. They can be highly strategic, knowing how to charm or deceive others into giving them what they want.
Manipulation can take many forms—whether it’s emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, or even gaslighting (a tactic where they make someone doubt their own reality).
A narcissist’s ability to manipulate is rooted in their keen understanding of human weaknesses and vulnerabilities. They exploit these to control others, gaining power and dominance over situations.
6. Craving Power, Dominance and Control
Narcissists have an insatiable desire for power, dominance, and control over others. They view themselves as inherently superior, and in order to maintain that sense of superiority, they constantly seek ways to exert influence over their environment and the people around them.
In professional settings, they may undermine or sabotage colleagues to assert control. Narcissists see power dynamics as essential to maintaining their inflated self-image, and they will go to great lengths to ensure they remain in control.
7. Lack of Emotion Regulation
Narcissists often struggle with emotional regulation, leading to volatile and unpredictable reactions. When their grandiose sense of self is threatened or when they feel criticised, they can react with disproportionate anger or even rage.
This is referred to as “narcissistic injury,” where the narcissist’s self-esteem is so fragile that even minor slights can provoke intense emotional responses.
For those who interact with narcissists, this can create a tense, high-stress environment where they are constantly walking on eggshells, unsure of what might trigger an outburst.
The inability to regulate emotions can also make it difficult for narcissists to resolve conflicts in a healthy, constructive manner and can sometimes lead to Narcissistic Payback Retaliation. I have a video on this topic, you can watch it here.
8. Jealousy and Envy
Narcissists are often deeply envious of others, especially those who have something they desire—whether it’s success, admiration, or personal attributes. Despite their outward confidence, they are acutely aware of what others possess and often feel threatened by the success or happiness of those around them.
This jealousy can manifest in various destructive behaviours. Narcissists might attempt to belittle or sabotage the achievements of others to make themselves feel superior.
9. Lying
Narcissists are frequently dishonest, using lies and deceit to protect their image or gain an advantage. Lying becomes a tool for self-preservation, helping them avoid responsibility or manipulate situations to their favour.
This dishonesty can range from small, habitual lies to more elaborate deceptions meant to control others or shield their fragile egos.
When faced with criticism or challenges, they will fabricate stories to make themselves look better or blame others to escape accountability. This can lead to a web of lies that eventually unravels, causing damage to relationships and trust.
10. Low Self-Esteem
Although narcissists appear confident and self-assured, their grandiosity and manipulative behaviour often mask a deeply rooted sense of low self-esteem. Their inflated ego is a defence mechanism designed to protect themselves from feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy.
Beneath the surface, narcissists are constantly battling feelings of insecurity and fear of being exposed as inferior.
This is why they are so reliant on external validation and why they react so strongly to criticism. Their self-esteem is fragile, and they go to great lengths to protect it, even if it means hurting others in the process.
I think this is the most important one to understand and which has been most helpful to my clients in their recovery following narcissistic abuse. Learning that the narcissist bravado is simply a mask to cover their high levels of insecurity is often a game-changer in recovery.
The Wrap Up
Narcissistic traits are more than just personality quirks—they are deeply ingrained patterns of behaviour that can be highly destructive to both the narcissist and those around them.
From grandiosity and manipulation to a lack of empathy and low self-esteem, these traits form a complex web that makes it difficult for narcissists to build healthy, meaningful relationships.
Understanding these traits is the first step in protecting yourself from the harm narcissists can cause. Whether you’re dealing with a narcissist in your personal life, at work, or in social settings, recognising these behaviours can help you set boundaries and avoid becoming entangled in toxic patterns.
While narcissism is a challenging personality disorder to address, awareness and understanding are key to navigating interactions with those who exhibit these traits.
What Next?
Again, to watch the extended YouTube version of this article, where I got into each trait in more detail, click here.
If there are any specific subjects you’d like me to cover in upcoming content (it’s always so helpful!) or if you’d like help with any of the topics I discuss, message me at info@jobanks.net.
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As always, thanks for your continued support.
