Audio Version (10:43)
Let’s be honest. Most of us have experienced it at some point.
You walk into work, and there’s a group that seems just a little too tight. Conversations stop when you approach. Decisions feel like they’ve already been made without you. There’s an “in crowd” and an “out crowd”, even if no one ever says it out loud.
Workplace cliques are far more common than organisations like to admit. On the surface, they can look harmless. Just people getting along. Just natural human behaviour.
Underneath that, though, there’s a deeper psychological dynamic at play. One that can quietly impact confidence, performance, inclusion, and even career progression.
Let’s unpack what’s really going on…
To watch the extended YouTube version where I also discuss Why Cliques Often Go Unnoticed, The Power of Informal Influence and The Link to Psychological Safety, click here.
Why Cliques Form in the First Place
Humans are wired for belonging. It is not optional. It is survival.
From an evolutionary perspective, being part of a group kept you safe. Being excluded could mean danger. That wiring has not disappeared just because we now work in offices instead of living in tribes.
So when people enter a workplace, they naturally look for connection. They gravitate towards those who feel familiar, safe, or similar.
This can be based on:
Shared background or life experiences
Similar roles or levels of seniority
Personality traits
Interests outside of work
Even something as simple as proximity
There is nothing inherently wrong with this. In fact, positive relationships at work are one of the biggest drivers of engagement and well-being. The problem starts when connection turns into exclusion.
The Shift from “Belonging” to “Us vs Them”
Psychologically, cliques are rooted in social identity. We define ourselves partly by the groups we belong to. This creates a sense of “us”. The unintended consequence is that it also creates a “them”. Once that line is drawn, even subtly, bias starts to creep in.
People inside the group are:
Trusted more
Given the benefit of the doubt
Included in conversations and decisions
Seen as more competent or aligned
People outside the group can be:
Overlooked
Misinterpreted
Excluded from informal information channels
Judged more harshly
This is rarely deliberate. Most people in cliques would be surprised to hear they are excluding others. From their perspective, they are just getting on with people they like. That is exactly why it is so powerful. It operates under the radar.
The Emotional Impact on Those Outside the Clique
If you have ever felt on the outside of a workplace group, you will know it is not just mildly uncomfortable. It can hit much deeper. Being excluded at work can trigger the same part of the brain as physical pain. It is a genuine stress response.
Over time, this can lead to:
Self-doubt People start questioning themselves. “Is it me?” “Have I done something wrong?” “Am I just not likeable?”
Withdrawal Instead of leaning in, people pull back. They speak less in meetings. They stop sharing ideas. They disengage.
Overcompensating Some people try harder to fit in, often at the expense of being authentic. This is exhausting.
Reduced performance When you do not feel psychologically safe, your brain is not focused on doing your best work. It is focused on protecting you.
In my work as an Executive Coach, I see this frequently. Capable, experienced people quietly shrinking because they feel they do not belong.
When Cliques Turn Toxic
Not all cliques are harmful. Some are simply groups of people who get along. However, in certain environments, cliques can become something much more damaging. This is where personality dynamics come into play, particularly when narcissistic traits are present.
A narcissistic individual in the workplace often seeks control, validation, and influence. Cliques can become a perfect vehicle for that. Here is how it tends to show up:
1. Flying monkeys
This is a term used to describe people who are recruited, consciously or unconsciously, to support someone else’s agenda. In a workplace clique, this might look like:
People backing one individual no matter what
Defending poor behaviour
Reinforcing a particular narrative about someone else
They are not always aware they are doing it. They may believe they are being loyal or supportive.
2. Triangulation
This is where communication is deliberately indirect. Instead of addressing an issue with someone directly, a third party is brought in. This can create confusion, tension, and mistrust. In a clique, triangulation might look like:
Conversations about someone rather than with them
Messages being passed through others
Different versions of the same story circulating
It keeps people off balance and makes it harder to challenge what is happening.
3. Control of narrative
In more toxic cliques, there can be a subtle shaping of how people are perceived. Someone might be labelled as “difficult”, “negative”, or “not a team player”, without any real exploration of context. Once that label sticks within the group, it influences how others see that person, often unfairly. This is where cliques move from being uncomfortable to actively harmful.
Unfortunately, I have been a victim of this type of toxic clique, so I’m very well aware of how harmful and how long-lasting the results can be.
What You Can Do About It
If you find yourself on the outside of a clique, it can feel frustrating and, at times, quite isolating. There is no quick fix, especially if the culture itself allows these dynamics to continue. However, there are ways to navigate it without losing yourself in the process.
1. Focus on connection, not approval
Trying to break into a clique rarely works and can leave you feeling even more excluded. Instead, build one or two genuine connections. Quality matters more than quantity.
2. Stay anchored in your reality
If there is triangulation or gossip, it is easy to start doubting yourself. Come back to facts. What do you know to be true based on your own experience?
3. Avoid getting pulled into the dynamic
It can be tempting to join in, especially if it feels like the only way to be included. Be mindful of not becoming part of something that does not sit well with you.
4. Address things directly where appropriate
If something has been said or done that affects you, consider having a direct conversation with the person involved. Keep it calm and factual. This reduces the space for misinterpretation.
If you struggle to have ‘difficult conversations’, I have a video that takes you step by step through what to do. You can watch it here.
5. Use formal structures when needed
If the situation is affecting your work or well-being, it may be appropriate to speak to your manager or HR. Not as a complaint about personalities, but in terms of impact.
6. Protect your energy
You do not have to win everyone over. Focus on your work, your standards, and the relationships that feel healthy and reciprocal.
If you’ve tried all of this and you’re still struggling, I have a video that talks you step by step what to do if you feel like your being bullied or working in a toxic work environment. You can watch it here.
A Quick Reality Check
Not every close group is a toxic clique. Sometimes, people simply connect. That is part of being human. The key difference is this:
A healthy group is open. Others can join without friction.
An unhealthy clique is closed. Others feel like outsiders.
It is less about the existence of a group and more about the impact it has on others.
The Wrap-up
Workplace cliques are not just about who eats lunch together or who chats the most. They are rooted in deep psychological needs for belonging, identity, and safety. In some cases, they can become vehicles for more complex dynamics like control, triangulation, and influence. Left unchecked, they can quietly shape culture, limit inclusion, and affect how people experience their work.
Understanding what is happening beneath the surface helps you respond more deliberately. It stops you from automatically internalising the experience. It allows you to stay grounded in who you are, regardless of where you sit in the group.
What Next?
Again, in the extended YouTube version, I also discuss Why Cliques Often Go Unnoticed, The Power of Informal Influence and The Link to Psychological Safety. You can watch it here.
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