Audio Version (10:57)
If someone tries to embarrass you at work, it’s not just rude — it’s a power play, and here’s the kicker: they’re often projecting their own insecurities onto you.
In this article, I’ll discuss the psychology behind why people publicly humiliate others, how projection works, and give you 20 professional comebacks you can use instantly to shut it down and protect your reputation.
For additional simple strategies for dealing with public humiliation that really work, plus examples of what humiliation often looks like in the workplace, watch the extended YouTube version of this article, here.
Public humiliation in the workplace is one of the most uncomfortable and potentially damaging experiences you can face. Whether it’s a snide comment in a meeting, a sarcastic remark in front of clients, or a “joke” at your expense, these moments can knock your confidence and leave you feeling blindsided.
The good news? You can handle it in a way that protects your reputation, dignity, and career.
Why People Try to Publicly Humiliate You at Work
Public humiliation is rarely about you personally — even though it feels personal. It’s almost always about the other person’s insecurities, power plays, or unresolved issues. Understanding these drivers is the first step in learning how to respond to public humiliation effectively.
Here are the most common psychological drivers:
1. Insecurity and Imposter Syndrome
People who doubt their own competence sometimes try to make others look small so they feel bigger. Humiliating you in front of others is a way of signalling, “I’m in control” — even when they’re not.
As I say in many of my articles:
Bullies build themselves up by putting others down.
2. Projection Psychology
Projection is when someone takes the qualities, flaws, or feelings they don’t like in themselves and attributes them to someone else. For example, if they feel incompetent, they might accuse you of being unprepared or not knowing your stuff. It’s essentially a way to offload their discomfort.
I have an entire video on projection at work that explains how it works in detail and why it’s so common in workplaces. Many people have found that video eye-opening because it changes how you interpret these situations — once you realise they’re actually talking about themselves, it’s easier not to take it personally. You can watch it here.
3. Need for Dominance
Some people use embarrassment as a dominance display, especially in hierarchical workplaces. They believe undermining you increases their authority.
4. Deflection
If they’re under pressure, they might shift the focus onto you to draw attention away from their own mistakes or shortcomings.
5. Passive-Aggressive Behaviour
Instead of addressing an issue directly, they use public “jokes” or comments to express frustration or resentment indirectly.
6. Learned Behaviour
In some toxic workplaces, belittling others is normalised — they’ve seen it done and think it’s acceptable.
Why Public Humiliation Hurts So Much
Public humiliation triggers the brain’s social pain response, which is processed in the same area as physical pain. Your fight-flight-freeze reaction can kick in, making it hard to think clearly in the moment.
That’s why many people only think of a great comeback hours later — a phenomenon known as L’ESPRIT DE L’ESCALIER, a French expression that literally means “the spirit of the staircase.”
It describes that frustrating moment when you think of the perfect reply, witty comeback, or clever idea — but only after the opportunity has passed. The idea is that you’ve already left the conversation, walking down the stairs (hence the “staircase”), when the brilliant thought finally comes to you.
It’s often used to capture that mix of regret and annoyance at not having thought of it in the moment.
When projection is at play, it can be even more frustrating because it feels unjust — they’re accusing you of something you know deep down is actually their issue. That’s why understanding projection psychology is such a powerful tool for staying calm.
How to Respond to Public Humiliation Professionally
1. Pause and Breathe
Before reacting, take a slow breath. This short circuit helps your brain switch from emotional reactivity to logical thinking.
2. Assess Intent
Is the comment clumsy but harmless, or a deliberate attempt to undermine you? Not all awkward moments require a full confrontation.
3. Stay Calm and Neutral
A calm, measured response makes you look confident and in control, which undermines their attempt to embarrass you.
4. Respond — Don’t React
The difference is subtle but important. Reacting is emotional and immediate; responding is intentional and strategic.
5. Take It Offline (When Necessary)
If the situation escalates or is too sensitive for public resolution, address it privately. This also reduces the risk of fuelling further drama.
20 Professional Comebacks for Workplace Humiliation
Below are 10 gentle/diplomatic responses and 10 firm responses that you can use depending on the situation and your relationship with the person.
Gentle/Diplomatic Comebacks
“That’s an interesting perspective — could you explain what you mean?”
“I think there might be some context missing — let me fill in the gaps.”
“I’m sure you didn’t mean for that to come across as it did.”
“Let’s stick to the facts so we can move forward.”
“Thanks for your input — I’ll take that on board.” (With calm, steady eye contact.)
“I see we have different views on this. That’s okay.”
“That’s one way of looking at it; here’s another…”
“Can we keep this constructive? I think it’ll help us get further.”
“I appreciate you raising that — perhaps we can explore it in more detail later.”
“Let’s focus on the solution rather than the problem.”
Firm Comebacks
“I’d appreciate it if you could raise concerns with me privately.”
“I don’t think this is the right time or place for that.”
“That comment feels inappropriate for this setting.”
“I value professionalism — can we keep our discussion in that spirit?”
“I’m happy to discuss this with you later, but I won’t engage like this publicly.”
“I’d like to stay on topic — let’s get back to the agenda.”
“If there’s an issue, let’s address it respectfully.”
“Your tone suggests frustration; can we talk about what’s really going on?”
“Let’s keep our feedback about work, not people.”
“I’m confident in the work I’ve done; let’s move forward.”
As we often know the people doing the humiliation and how they are likely to do it, I recommend practising a few of these comebacks (or write some of your own), so that they’re easier to use when you’re feeling under attack.
If you want more comebacks, I’ll be doing a video shortly with an entire toolkit to help you deal with bullying and conflict-driven situations, so make sure you’re subscribed so that you don’t miss it.
After the Incident: Steps to Take
Document what happened — especially if it’s part of a pattern.
Speak privately — calmly explain how the comment came across and request it doesn’t happen again.
Escalate if needed — if it’s repeated behaviour and impacting your work, involve HR or a manager.
Don’t dwell — staying in a loop of anger gives them more power than they deserve.
The Wrap-up
Public humiliation in the workplace is never okay, but it’s surprisingly common. Understanding the psychology behind it — especially projection at work — helps you realise it’s about the other person’s issues, not your worth.
By preparing diplomatic and firm professional comebacks in advance, you protect your confidence and professional image — and you might even shut down the behaviour entirely.
Remember: the way you handle these moments says far more about your leadership and professionalism than the fact it happened at all.
If you want to dive deeper into projection psychology, again, I recommend my video on the topic — it could completely change how you see situations like this.
What Next?
Again, click here to watch the extended YouTube version with additional simple strategies for dealing with public humiliation that really work, plus examples of what humiliation often looks like in the workplace.
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