Audio Version (09:37)
Worrying is something we all do. Whether it’s lying awake at 3 a.m. replaying that thing you said in a meeting, or catastrophising about things that haven’t happened (and might never happen), worry can feel like a constant companion.
But have you ever stopped to ask yourself why you worry? Or why it’s so hard to stop, even when you know it’s not helping?
In this article, I’ll break down:
Five key reasons why you worry (some you might not expect)
Why worry can be worse for neurodivergent people and Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)
The difference between helpful problem-solving and unhelpful mental loops
Practical tools you can use to calm your mind and stop getting stuck in your head
In the extended YouTube version, I discuss an additional two reasons why you worry and what to do about them. Click here to watch.
Five Reasons Why You Worry (and what to do about it)
1. Worry Gives the Illusion of Control
Let’s start with one of the biggest insights from Dr. Russell Kennedy, a medical doctor and anxiety specialist. He explains that worrying gives us a sense of certainty when we feel uncertain.
In other words, when life feels unpredictable or out of our control, the brain starts worrying as a way to cope. It’s like your mind saying, “If I can just think through every possible outcome, I’ll feel better.”
It doesn’t usually work, but it gives the illusion of safety and we do it so frequently that it becomes a habit.
What to do about it:
Learn to soothe the feeling of uncertainty in your body, rather than overthinking in your mind. Use breathwork, the physiological sigh is brilliant for this…
Take two deep breaths in through your nose until your lungs are fully expanded (that’s important)
Breathe out slowly through your mouth (a REALLY long breath)
Repeat three/four times.
This process is clinically proven to reduce feelings of stress and anxiety (the stress response) almost instantly.
Other useful tools are using grounding techniques, or simply put a hand on your chest and remind yourself: “It’s safe to not know everything right now. I’m safe”
It is deceptively simple, but really does work.
2. Your Brain Evolved to Keep You Alive
From an evolutionary perspective, worry was useful. Our ancestors needed to stay alert to threats — predators, hunger, injury, or exile from the group. Those who were more anxious were often the ones who survived.
That wiring still exists in our brains today. But instead of predators, we worry about deadlines, bills, social rejection, or what others think of us.
Your brain doesn’t know the difference between real danger and imagined danger.
It just reacts.
That’s why you react the same way when your boss or partner says, ‘We need to talk’ as it does as if you were being chased across the savannah by a tiger!
What to do about it:
Remind yourself that just because your brain is sounding the alarm doesn’t mean there’s an actual emergency. A great phrase to try: “Thank you, brain. I know you’re trying to protect me, but I don’t need that right now.”
Again, it’s deceptively simple, but really does work!
3. You’re Wired Differently (and That’s OK)
If you’re neurodivergent, you have ADHD, autism, or other neurodivergent traits — or if you’re a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), often referred to as an Empath, worry can feel more intense and harder to turn off.
That’s because our nervous systems are often more sensitive to emotional stimuli. We feel things deeply, pick up on subtleties others miss, and can get overwhelmed more easily.
For those with ADHD, like myself, rumination can come from difficulty regulating attention. For HSPs, it might come from processing information more deeply or caring more deeply than the average person.
What to do about it:
Build in regular nervous system care, such as:
Movement (yoga, Pilates, stretching, Tai Chi)
Breathwork (like the physiological sigh)
Walking in nature
Journaling (or audio journaling if you prefer not to write)
Making voice notes
Establish strong emotional boundaries with those around you
Recognise that you’re not broken, there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with you — you just need a little more space to decompress and process your emotions (which all of the above tools help you do).
4. You Learned to Worry as a Survival Strategy
If you grew up in a household where things were unpredictable, emotionally charged, or just plain chaotic, you may have developed worrying as a coping mechanism.
Worry becomes your way of staying one step ahead. If you could anticipate someone’s mood or guess what might go wrong, maybe you’d feel safer or less rejected.
Even if things are calmer now, your brain might still be stuck in that old survival pattern.
What to do about it:
Ask yourself, “Is this worry coming from a younger part of me?” If so, respond with compassion. Remind yourself that you’re not in that environment anymore, you’re the adult now, and you can keep yourself safe.
Again, putting your hand on your heart and breathing into that space while reminding yourself that you’re safe is a game-changer. Seems too simple to work, but it does!
5. You Learned it by Watching Others
Worry isn’t always trauma-based — sometimes, it’s learned behaviour.
If one or both of your parents or caregivers were chronic worriers, you might have picked it up without realising it. You saw them stress about every detail, anticipate problems, or constantly prepare for the worst — so your brain went, “Oh, that’s how we do life.”
Over time, this becomes part of your default programming.
What to do about it:
When you notice that you’re worrying, ask yourself, “Whose voice is this?” Is it yours — or someone else’s old script?
Becoming aware of this can help you separate inherited anxiety from your own truth. You don’t have to carry someone else’s coping style forever.
The Wrap-up
Worry can feel all-consuming, but it doesn’t have to run your life. The more you understand why you worry, the more you can meet yourself with compassion, and start choosing different ways to cope.
Let’s recap:
The 5 reasons you worry:
It gives you a false sense of control
Your brain evolved to detect threats
You’re wired to feel things more deeply (neurodivergence/HSP)
You learned it as a survival strategy
You copied it from a parent or role model
In the extended YouTube version of this article, I also discuss:
6. It keeps you emotionally distracted
7. It feels like it’s solving a problem (but it isn’t)
If you’re a chronic worrier, it’s important to know that you’re not broken, weak, or overdramatic; you’re human. You may just be operating from old wiring or habits that you can absolutely begin to shift.
If this resonated with you, you’re not alone. So many of the clients I coach and the delegates on my workshops experience chronic worry (even those at the top of their game!), and the good news is, it can get better.
Like everything, it starts with awareness and continues with self-compassion, boundaries, and practical strategies that suit your unique nature.
What Next?
In the extended YouTube version, I discuss an additional two reasons why you worry and what to do about them. Click here to watch.
If you do go over to YouTube, please be sure to Like, Comment and Subscribe. It’s completely free (as is a YouTube membership if you don’t have one – you also do not need a Google account, you can use your regular email address to sign up) and takes seconds. It really does make a massive difference in helping me get this free content in front of more people.
If there are any subjects you’d like me to cover in upcoming content or if you’d like coaching support with anything I discuss in my videos or articles, please email me at info@jobanks.net.
However, recently, I’ve received many emails and DMs from people asking for my views on their personal/professional situations. Unfortunately, for a number of reasons, I can’t provide individual advice unless you are a client.
As always, thanks for your continued support.
