Audio Version (07:51)
Most of us have met a narcissist at work. The classic spotlight-stealer who brags about their achievements, cuts others down, and thrives on being the loudest voice in the room.
But there’s another, sneakier form of narcissism that’s far less obvious and, in some ways, can be more damaging: communal narcissism.
Unlike the stereotypical narcissist who screams, “Look how amazing I am!” the communal narcissist whispers (with a halo tilted just so), “Look how amazing I am for helping others.”
On the surface, they appear kind, caring, and selfless. Scratch beneath that polished exterior, and you’ll find their so-called generosity is really just a means to feed their ego, control others, and secure admiration.
Welcome to the world of communal narcissism in the workplace, where virtue-signalling meets manipulation.
In the extended YouTube version, I also give real workplace scenarios of communal narcissism in action. Click here to watch.
What is Communal Narcissism?
At its core, communal narcissism is a type of narcissism where the person’s self-worth is tied to being seen as caring, supportive, and morally superior.
Unlike the grandiose narcissist who thrives on being the smartest, richest, or most talented, the communal narcissist thrives on being perceived as the most giving, the most ethical, the most self-sacrificing.
Think of it as narcissism dressed in a cardigan and clutching a charity bucket.
It’s not about actually helping; it’s about being SEEN TO HELP.
Their self-image depends on admiration for their “kindness.” If the applause stops, the mask quickly slips.
Why Do People Do It?
There are a few key drivers behind communal narcissism:
1. Ego Fuel With a Halo
Traditional narcissists feed on praise for their brilliance or success. Communal narcissists get their “supply” by being seen as saints. They want others to say, “Aren’t they amazing? They’re always helping everyone!”
2. Control Through Kindness
Their “support” often comes with invisible strings attached. By positioning themselves as the indispensable helper, they keep colleagues indebted, compliant, or at least cautious not to offend.
3. Moral High Ground as a Weapon
Claiming to be the most ethical or compassionate gives them a ready-made platform to criticise or undermine others. After all, if they’re the gold standard of morality, everyone else falls short.
4. Hiding In Plain Sight
Few people suspect the smiling do-gooder. This makes it the perfect cover for manipulation. It’s hard to call someone out for toxic behaviour when they’re busy raising money for charity or mentoring the new starters (and telling everyone about it).
How To Spot a Communal Narcissist at Work
Unlike the more obvious, chest-thumping narcissist, communal narcissists can be trickier to detect. Here are some tell-tale signs:
1. The Endless Announcements
They never quietly help. Every good deed gets broadcast: “I stayed until 9 pm helping Tom with his presentation. Honestly, I don’t know how this place would function without me!”
2. The Humble Brag Mask
Their “selfless” acts are carefully constructed to draw attention. They might sigh, “I was up all night baking cakes for the charity fundraiser… but it’s worth it, I suppose, if it helps the less fortunate.”
Translation: “Please applaud me for being such a saint.”
3. The Martyr Complex
They’ll constantly position themselves as the long-suffering hero: “I’m always the one people come to when there’s a crisis. It’s exhausting, but I guess I’m just that dependable.”
4. The Silent Ledger
Every favour they “give” goes in an invisible notebook. Later, they’ll cash it in, subtly or not. “Remember when I stayed late to help you with that report? It would mean a lot if you backed me in the meeting tomorrow.”
5. The Criticism Boomerang
Try questioning their motives, and they’ll turn it back on you: “Wow, I’m shocked you’d criticise me when all I do is help this team. I guess not everyone values kindness.”
6. The Selective Audience
They’re often more generous in public than in private. Helping hands appear when there’s an audience; at meetings, in emails copied to managers, or in front of the boss. Behind closed doors? Not so much.
The Fallout of Communal Narcissism
At first glance, communal narcissists might seem harmless, even beneficial. Who wouldn’t want a colleague who’s so “helpful”? But over time, the cracks show:
Exhausted colleagues who feel indebted or manipulated.
Team mistrust as people realise the “kindness” is performative.
Workplace toxicity when communal narcissists weaponise morality or guilt.
Stifled talent as they control opportunities under the guise of mentoring or “support.”
The damage is real. Being around a communal narcissist can feel like drowning in syrup; cloying, sticky, and suffocating.
The Wrap-up
Communal narcissism is one of the most insidious forms of workplace toxicity because it hides behind the mask of kindness. While traditional narcissists scream for attention, communal narcissists whisper their way into admiration, control, and influence.
Spotting them isn’t always easy, but once you know the signs, the humble brags, the martyrdom, the constant need for recognition, you’ll see through the halo.
Because at the end of the day, genuine kindness doesn’t need a spotlight. True helpers don’t keep score, and the person who can’t stop reminding you how selfless they are? Chances are, it’s not about you at all; it’s about feeding their ego.
What Next?
Again, in the extended YouTube version, I also give real workplace scenarios of communal narcissism in action. Click here to watch.
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