Audio Version (09:44)
Workplace bullying is one of the most distressing things a person can experience during their career. It doesn’t just damage your self-esteem; it can strip you of your confidence, impact your mental and physical health, affect your personal and professional relationships and ultimately can leave you questioning your own worth and abilities.
In this article, I’m going to share the five things to do if you think you’re being bullied, because the longer you do nothing, the more damage it does.
In the extended YouTube version, I discuss two additional recommendations, as well as covering the legal aspects of dealing with workplace bullying. You can watch it here.
Why Bullies Bully
It’s a common misconception that bullies pick on people because they’re weak. In fact, it’s usually the opposite.
Most workplace bullies target competent, compassionate, and professional individuals who are well-liked, respected, and doing a great job. Why? Because bringing those people down gives the bully the greatest sense of power. It strokes their ego and feeds their need for control.
Put simply, bullies build themselves up by tearing others down. They feel threatened by your presence, your ability, or the way others respond positively to you. Rather than addressing their own shortcomings, they go on the attack. Sadly, if they sense you won’t fight back or that you’re likely to stay quiet, they’ll ramp up their behaviour.
That’s why it’s so important to spot the signs, protect your energy, and take steps to get yourself out as quickly and safely as possible.
5 Things to Do if You’re Being Bullied at Work
1. Trust Your Gut
If it feels like bullying, it probably is.
Workplace bullying doesn’t always look like shouting or open aggression. Often, it’s subtle. It could be exclusion from meetings, deliberate undermining, being talked over or publicly criticised, or having your work dismissed or sabotaged.
Many of my clients tell me they feel confused at first. CONFUSION IS A RED FLAG! They know something isn’t right, but they second-guess themselves. This is especially true when the bully is skilled at manipulation or gaslighting (making you question your own reality).
The problem is that we would never knowingly treat someone badly, misuse them, lie and manipulate, so we mistakenly believe that others wouldn’t either. Sadly, that’s not the case.
So, tune into your intuition. If something feels off, it probably is. Start paying close attention and don’t ignore it in the hope that it’ll stop.
2. Document Everything
The moment you suspect you’re being bullied, start a private record of events.
This could be a physical notebook (that you keep with you at all times – never leave it at work, even in a locked drawer) or a secure cloud document (not on your work computer!).
Include:
Dates and times of incidents
What was said or done
Who was present (witnesses)
How did it make you feel
Any supporting evidence (emails, messages, witness statements)
Being able to describe patterns and provide evidence is critical, especially if you eventually decide to report it. Sadly, many bullies are highly manipulative. They behave perfectly well when management or other people are watching, and save the abuse for when no one else is around.
Keeping a clear record not only helps you stay grounded in what’s actually happening, but it also gives you a stronger foundation if you decide to take things further.
If you’re already quite far into your bullying experience, start NOW. I’d also recommend that you go back and try to record as many instances as possible, detailing as much information as you can recall. Reviewing your work diary to see when you’ve had meetings with the bully can be helpful in that regard.
3. Set Boundaries
This part is hard, but powerful: start setting strong boundaries and tackle the issue head-on with the person, sooner rather than later.
Bullies thrive on silence and compliance. If they think they can get away with a snide comment, passive-aggressive remark, or underhanded tactic, they’ll keep doing it.
You don’t need to get into a full confrontation, but you can start being clear and assertive. Examples:
“That comment was unnecessary—please don’t speak to me like that.”
“I’m happy to discuss this professionally, but not if you raise your voice.”
“I’d like to clarify what was said, as that’s not my understanding.”
Of course, safety is paramount. If you’re worried that standing up for yourself could escalate things or lead to retaliation, it may be safer to focus on documenting behaviour and removing yourself as soon as possible.
I discuss this in more detail in the YouTube version.
4. Tell Someone at Work
I always recommend telling someone internally, especially if it feels safe to do so.
That might be:
Your line manager (if they’re not the bully!)
A senior leader you trust
HR
A union rep or employee support advisor
Keep your communication clear and factual. Share what you’ve observed, how it’s impacting you, and what support you’re seeking. Avoid emotional language, accusations, or sweeping statements. Stick to the facts and your documentation.
BUT, and this is a big but, please don’t rely on the company to fix it! In most cases I am aware of, even when the complaint is valid and the evidence is clear, nothing has been done. Or worse, the victim is treated as the problem.
Of course, that’s not always the case, which is why I recommend it as a starting point. However, it’s essential to be realistic, and that’s why the next step is so crucial.
5. Start Looking for Another Job Immediately
This one will likely be a controversial one, especially for my HR colleagues. However, I can’t stress this enough: don’t wait to be rescued. If you’ve attempted to stop the behaviour by directly confronting the person and perhaps even before you raise the issue formally, start making plans to get out.
Even if it feels unfair. Even if you love the work or your wider team. Even if you hope it’ll blow over. The longer you stay in a toxic environment, the more damage it will do in the long run.
The erosion of self-esteem, confidence, and self-respect can be slow but devastating. That’s exactly what the bully wants: to reduce you to a shell of your former self.
Even if you don’t end up leaving, the act of job searching, updating your CV, and imagining yourself elsewhere can be incredibly empowering. It shifts you from “helpless” to “I have options”, and that alone can begin your healing.
If all of that feels too daunting, I have a virtual training programme that takes you step by step through writing a CV, job hunting, interview skills, and even how to do an interview presentation. So, there’s no excuse on that front. You can access it here.
The Wrap-up
If you’re being bullied at work, please know this: you are not alone, and it is not your fault.
You’re likely being targeted because you’re good at what you do, kind-hearted, and respected by others. That makes you a threat to someone insecure or power-hungry. But their behaviour is not a reflection of your worth.
Trust your gut. Document the facts. Set boundaries. Tell someone. But most importantly, have an exit plan. Your health and happiness are more important than any job.
You will recover. You will rebuild. But it’s up to you to take action.
What Next?
Again, in the extended YouTube version, I discuss two additional recommendations, as well as covering the legal aspects of dealing with workplace bullying. You can watch it here.
If you head over to YouTube, please be sure to Like, Comment and Subscribe. It’s completely free (as is a YouTube membership if you don’t have one – you also don’t need a Google account; you can use your regular email address to sign up) and takes just seconds. It really does make a massive difference in helping me get this free content in front of more people.
Without your interaction, videos simply don’t get pushed out by YouTube and all that hard work, goes nowhere!
If there are any subjects you’d like me to cover in upcoming content or if you’d like coaching support with anything I discuss in my videos or articles, please email me at info@jobanks.net.
However, recently, I’ve received many emails and DMs from people asking for my views on their personal/professional situations. Unfortunately, for a number of reasons, I can’t provide individual advice unless you are a client.
As always, thanks for your continued support.
